I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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