Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.

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(309): View more from Illinois

is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?

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(410): View more from Maryland

She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee

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(517): View more from Michigan

i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend

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(225): View more from Louisiana

it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes

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(773): View more from Illinois

SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.

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(786): View more from Florida

I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂

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