She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
