If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize