Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
