so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
