I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
