I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
