I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
