the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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