I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
