I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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