New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
