so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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