So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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