i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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