I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
