I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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