We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
