Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
