3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
