Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
