She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize