Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
