He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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