I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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