life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
