I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
