They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
