My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
