perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
