I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I will pee on everything he values.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
