so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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