then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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