I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
