This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
