Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
