we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
