I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
