that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
