I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
