Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He literally asked permission to hit on me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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