Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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