her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
