its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
