Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i dont even know how to be here
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
