I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
