I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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