Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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