If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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