Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize