one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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