My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
