I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
