I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize