Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
