Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
