why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
