it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
