My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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