K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
