i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
