South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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