He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
