ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
