do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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