Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
