she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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