Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
