I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
