No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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