Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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