I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
