Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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